you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
