Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
