So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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