You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
