let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
