He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
