Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize