I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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