You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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