Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
God, I missed his penis.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
