covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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