Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
