So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
