Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
