Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's like iHOP with fire
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
