and you said cock pushups were impossible
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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