Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
