i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
