Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
