I heard we made out
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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