Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I accidentally had phone sex last night
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
