So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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