im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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