Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize