Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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