Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it was like eating out sand paper
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
