New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
