He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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