I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
