He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
