Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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