My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
3 2 1 whiskey
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
