Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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