I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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