the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
