Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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