Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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