Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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