Screwed.edu
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
