I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize