and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
