WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
