it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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