Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
