We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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