So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize