What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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