Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
