I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
