Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
