my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
