thus making me awesome and them whores
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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