I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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