Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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