a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
