the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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