i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
