yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
