Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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