I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I smell like Dick and happiness
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
