He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize