She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
