So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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