Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize